Tag: Svalbard

Svalbard update

Andrew Sullivan proves himself a shill for Svalbard. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, Sullivan claims that the seed vault is a hedge against human extinction. But Svalbard watchers know the true role of the vault in Svalbard’s plans for Panzerbjørn world domination.

Why else would the Norwegians and the Russians engage in grim-faced saber-rattling over Svalbard?

While we’re on the subject, I should mention Zak’s concern about a connection between the Svalbard threat and Iceland’s financial collapse. Svalbard may, as he suggests, be attempting to secure control over the Arctic. This is a frightening thought. With the departure of US forces from the island nation, it is supremely vulnerable to attack. Yet The Monster remains, to our knowledge, unready for deployment in actual combat conditions.

So we believe it more likely that Svalbard may simply seek to exploit the current economic crisis if the opportunity arises… but it may be possible that its zombie sleeper agents–inadvertently revealed in Serious Sam 2 (search for “zombie”)–have been activated and are playing some role in the financial crisis.

Image source: Forsvaret / Norwegian M.O.D


Supersharks: a new threat from Svalbard… or an opportunity?

The Scotsman reports on this frightening development:

SCIENTISTS have been stunned by the discovery of a shark that had eaten a polar bear.

Part of the jaw of a young polar bear was found in the stomach of a Greenland shark in Svalbard, northern Norway.

Kit Kovacs, of the Norwegian Polar Institute, said: “We’ve never heard of this before.

“We don’t know how it got there. We can’t say whether or not the shark took a swimming young bear or ate a carcase.

“We don’t know how active these sharks are as predators.”

But perhaps these sharks could prove a valuable ally in the coming struggle against the Panzerbjørn? Our government must take steps to open diplomatic channels as soon as possible.


More on the Svalbard Zombie menace

From Damien Mansell of Swansea University:

The cabin was situated on the top of a ridge, at the bottom of a large valley looking out to the Arctic Ocean. The Ocean met large ice-cliffs and nunataks, which stared back at us from across the water.

We shared out all the necessary equipment and supplies amongst our packs and pulkas (sledges). Those who skied ahead of us had the coal and fire wood and we were welcomed by a toasty warm fire.

Adam and I cooked up a large chilli to satisfy our growing bellies. It took much longer than we anticipated as we had to melt snow to produce drinking water, and you need a lot of snow to make a reasonable amount of water. Conversation in the candle-lit cabin was mostly about the possible confrontation of a polar bear.

Then in burst Professor Doug Benn and Dr Nick Hulton, armed not with rifles but whisky and a guitar. It was a brilliant night and, along with Dr Ian Rutt who walked with us to BjØrndalen, they performed this years ‘Svalbard song’ about the Svalbard zombies and permafrost graves, it was very surreal.

It is becoming clear that we must now ask ourselves a terrifying question: how long before Svalbard raises a force of Zombie Panzerbjøorn?

UPDATE: are our own Black Bears a fifth column? Dave Noon chronicles a suspicious incident.

Image: Map displaying sea monsters lurking around Svalbard. Source: Universitetet i Tromsø


Suspicious developments in and around Svalbard

Although I failed to make the connection, thanks to D we now know of the sinister connection between the Svalbard and Zombine menaces. Given accumulating evidence that climate change will increase Zombie activity, this is a truly frightening development and may help to explain the broader relationship between the Panzerbjørn and the Zombies.

But recent weeks have also seen a flurry of suspicious activity around Svalbard, including:

• An increase in Russian naval activity.

The Russsian Navy on Monday announced that it has again deployed naval vessels in the Arctic, including the waters around the Svalbard archipelago.

The “Severomorsk” is already in the area, and it will later this week be joined by the missile cruiser “Marshal Ustinov”, according to a press release by the Russian Navy.

It also states that this is in line with its plans to step up its presence in the Arctic.

• At the same time, Norway has decided to restrict travel to Svalbard on dubious “environmental grounds.”

• A supposed series of experiments on oil spill containment.

The full-scale trials which took place to the east of Hopen in May have been described as highly successful. They included a series of tests of oil skimmers and fire-resistant oil-booms, the burning of floating oil and a monitoring experiment that was controlled via satellite.

This is clearly a cover for something: but what?

• The meeting of a triumvirate of Scandanavian radical monarchists in Svalbard. According to Nina Berglund of Aftenposten, “they all claim they want to learn more about climate change [emph. added]”. Not long after, a “VIP delegation” traveled to Svalbard. Among its members: Jimmy Carter and George Soros. I think we have our smoking gun.

But will the world wake up before it is too late?


No wonder they want world domination

Duncan Bartlett of the BBC reports on the living conditions on Svalbard.

Residents of Norway’s Svalbard Islands are used to dealing with the dangers of polar bears but, for one remote settlement, wild animals are not the only worry.

It is forbidden to die in the Arctic town of Longyearbyen.

Should you have the misfortune to fall gravely ill, you can expect to be despatched by aeroplane or ship to another part of Norway to end your days.

And if you are terminally unlucky and succumb to misfortune or disease, no-one will bury you here.

The town’s small graveyard stopped accepting newcomers 70 years ago, after it was discovered that the bodies were failing to decompose.

Be sure to read the rest.


Is a war with Svalbard finally coming?

I have repeatedly criticized the Bush administration for failing to recognize the Svalbard threat. Its policy of drowning the Polar Bear forces into submission might prove successful, but it also risks provoking an attack–whether via proxies, direct strikes, or bio-engineered sea reptiles–before it accomplishes its objectives.

But now there’s hope that the administration will take action before it leaves office.

Oil and shipping interests are putting more pressure on Norwegian authorities to open up more areas of the Arctic for oil and gas exploration. Now they’re eying the area around Svalbard.

Oil and shipping interests are urging oil and gas exploration off Svalbard, home to Norway’s polar bears.

Three major oil and shipping organizations have teamed up to form KonKraft, a cooperation among the oil industry’s national association (Oljeindustriens Landsforening), another industrial group (Norsk Industri) and the Norwegian Shipowners Association (Norges Rederiforbund). Also included in KonKraft is the labour federation LO.

It all depends on whether US oil interests are willing to concede these resources to the Norwegians. With the possibility of drilling in ANWR remote, the US might just yet set its sights on Svalbard.

And not a moment too soon. With Svalbard’s scientists embarking on a crash program to discover the secrets of the aurora borealis, it is only a matter of time before they perfect inter-dimensional travel and the fearsome “subtle knife” superweapon.

Contra Robert Farley, only after we deal with Svalbard can we turn our attention to the dreaded robot menace. Although the potential threat posed by the new monkey cyborgs is, indeed, grave, I believe that we can deter the robots for the time being. The same cannot be said of inter-dimensional panzerbjørn secure in the knowledge that they posses a doomsday vault.


The Svalbard Threat: 60 Minutes edition

Peter Howard emails me a link to the latest coverage of the threat from Svalbard.

I didn’t have a chance to watch the report, but I assume it comprises another whitewash of the critical danger posed to humanity by the creation of this “Doomsday Vault” in the highly militarized territory of Svalbard. Svalbard, as readers of the Duck are already aware, is also home to many Polar Bears literally drowning in their existential hate for western, industrialized society.

The Bush Administration, obviously cowed by the Defeatocrats, continues to ignore the necessity of extending the doctrine of preemption to the threat emanating from the north. But I take comfort from the fact that they continue to stand up against the Bearofascist enablers in the environmental movement.

Remember: if we abandon rampant and unregulated consumption, the bears win!


Svalbard: countdown to doomsday

The seed vault opens. World dignitaries, oblivious to the danger, hailed the Doomsday Vault:

“This is a frozen Garden of Eden,” European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso said, standing in one of the frosty vaults against a backdrop of large discs made of ice.

Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg called the vault an “insurance policy” and added his own biblical comparison: “It is the Noah’s Ark for securing biological diversity for future generations.”

Svalbard Global Seed Vault, just 620 miles from the North Pole, is designed to house as many as 4.5 million crop seeds from all over the world. It is built to withstand global warming, earthquakes and even nuclear strikes.

The vault, built by the Norwegian government for $9.1 million, will operate like a bank box. Norway owns the bank, but the countries depositing seeds own them and can used them as needed free of charge.

That’s what they want you to think.

And yet another reason to fear Svalbard:

Once cloned and engineered, “The Monster” will present a grave threat to US air and naval supremacy, as seen in this artist’s rendition:


The Looming Threat

I assumed the data on Svalbard military spending was a mistake. But now I’m becoming quite concerned. David Johnston uncovers more about the possible threat from Svalbard.

The island will soon be home to a Doomsday facility.

David questions whether the bunker is really just a seed vault. Given our information about Svalbard’s immense per capita military expenditures–which in absolute terms dwarf its “official” GDP–I think he’s right to be skeptical. When we combine these facts with the looming Polar Bear threat–territorial losses and foreign occupations breed, as we all know, suicide terrorism–perhaps the US is focusing undue attention on Iran and North Korea. The true threat may lie in Svalbard.

But, and here’s an even more frightening thought, what if the “Doomsday” vault really is a seed bank?

Why would Svalbard be hoarding seeds in a facility designed to insulate them against future catastrophes? What could Svalbard be planning?



The Svalbard Threat

Artist’s rendition of the Svalbard Air, Nuclear, Land, Sea, and Polar Bear Forces

Can someone explain to me why the CIA World Factbook lists Svalbard as ranking 22nd in military defense expenditures (at $ 5,501,000,000)?

Most of the sources I can find seem to agree that Svalbard, a territory of Norway, was demilitarized as part of the 1920 Paris Treaty.

I’m not the only one to have noticed this, of course.

Is someone at the Agency a Pullman fan?


Image Sources:


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